The Downside of the New Premier League: 15 Things to Complain About

Not so Keane: 15 reasons to be grumpy about the new Premier League season

A Premier League season is upon us, which means it’s time for hope and joy. But I’m not feeling it, partly because I’m very grumpy and partly because I genuinely think English football is in a bad place right now. So, in that spirit, here are 15 reasons why I’m especially annoyed about the new campaign.

People who refer to the Premier League as ‘the Premiership’ or ‘the Prem’

The use of outdated terms like ‘the Premiership’ or ‘the Prem’ is not only incorrect, but it also demonstrates a lack of understanding and awareness about the current state of English football. The Premier League has not been called the Premiership since former Prime Minister Tony Blair was in office, and it has never been referred to as the Prem. It is important to use the correct terminology in order to show respect and knowledge about the sport.

People who use ‘the football’ as an unnecessary prefix

The unnecessary use of ‘the football‘ as a prefix when referring to football-related things is both annoying and perplexing. This strange linguistic trend, apparently popular among some individuals, serves no purpose other than to sound pretentious or intellectual. Whether it’s a football club, a football match, or a football result, there is no need to add the extra word. It is a baffling habit that only serves to confuse and annoy.

Roy Keane on Sky Sports

While the irony of a grumpy person like myself criticizing another grumpy individual may not be lost, it is worth noting that there is a stark difference in the approach. While I am making an effort to provide meaningful commentary and analysis, Roy Keane’s contributions on Sky Sports often feel like a caricature of his younger self. His constant state of anger and his tendency to offer nothing but cliches add little value to the conversation. It is time for him to bring something new and insightful to the table.

Dermot Gallagher on Sky Sports

Dermot Gallagher’s presence on Sky Sports as a referee pundit may be predictable, but it is not necessarily productive. His consistent defense of all refereeing decisions, even those that are clearly incorrect, undermines the integrity of the game. The insistence on upholding the referees’ decisions without critically examining their accuracy prevents any meaningful discussion and accountability. It is important to have a balanced and honest analysis of referee performances.

Richarlison in general

Richarlison’s provocative and unsportsmanlike behavior on the field makes him one of the most disliked figures in English football. His infamous snarl, pigeon dance celebrations, and shithousery (provocative actions) make him a divisive figure among fans. While some may appreciate his passion and intensity, his actions often cross the line and display a lack of respect for the game and his opponents. It is important for players to conduct themselves with professionalism and sportsmanship.

All post-match interviews with players who aren’t Michail Antonio

Post-match interviews are often dull and formulaic, with players relying on media-trained responses. However, Michail Antonio stands out as an exception. His honest and engaging interviews provide a refreshing change from the usual scripted answers. Other players should take note and strive to bring more personality and authenticity to their post-match interviews.

All radio phone-in shows

Radio phone-in shows have become platforms for fans to express their opinions and frustrations about their favorite teams. While these shows can provide an outlet for passionate fans to voice their concerns, they are often filled with uninformed and irrational opinions. It is important to critically evaluate the views expressed on these shows and not take them as representative of the entire fan base.

Being reminded that the away end entrance at Kenilworth Road is through someone’s back garden

While initially an interesting fact, the repeated mention that the away entrance at Kenilworth Road is through someone’s back garden becomes tiresome and annoying. It is important to strike a balance between providing interesting anecdotes and avoiding excessive repetition. Over-emphasizing this fact detracts from the actual football and can be seen as an attempt to create a false sense of charm.

Being made to endure half-time entertainment

Half-time entertainment during football matches often falls short of expectations. Outdated and unengaging activities, such as penalty shootout competitions, fail to provide meaningful entertainment for fans. It is time for clubs to think creatively and offer more engaging and entertaining experiences during the half-time break.

Fantasy football nerds

While fantasy football can be a fun way to engage with the sport, the obsession and overanalysis of every player’s performance can become tiresome. The constant chatter about team selections, transfers, and points can alienate those who do not participate in fantasy football. It is important to strike a balance and not let fantasy football overshadow the enjoyment of the actual game.

Media agenda conspiracists

Conspiracy theories about media bias and agendas in football coverage are not helpful and only serve to create unnecessary divisions among fans. While media organizations do have their own biases, it is important to critically evaluate the information presented and not jump to conclusions. Constructive criticism and open discussions are more productive than baseless conspiracy theories.

International breaks

International breaks can be a frustrating interruption to the domestic league season, especially for fans who are deeply invested in their club teams. The quality of international matches often pales in comparison to the excitement and competitiveness of domestic football. However, these breaks also provide an opportunity for players to represent their countries and showcase their skills on a different stage.

Ray Winstone trying to make gambling seem cool

Ray Winstone’s constant appearances in gambling advertisements only serve to normalize and glamorize gambling. This can be harmful, especially for vulnerable individuals who may be susceptible to developing gambling addictions. It is important to be critical of the influence of celebrity endorsements in promoting potentially addictive behaviors.

Peter Crouch trying to make gambling seem fun

Similar to Ray Winstone, Peter Crouch’s involvement in promoting gambling as a fun and harmless activity is problematic. It is important to recognize that gambling can have serious consequences and that responsible gambling practices should be encouraged. The trivialization and promotion of gambling through celebrity endorsements can be misleading and harmful.

Manchester City finishing first again

The dominance of Manchester City in recent years, with multiple league titles and high points totals, can be disheartening for fans of other clubs. The financial advantage that Manchester City possesses due to their wealthy owners has created an imbalance in the competition. This lack of competitiveness diminishes the excitement and unpredictability of the league. It is important for football authorities to address financial disparities in order to promote a more level playing field.

Conclusion

While the start of a new Premier League season is typically met with hope and excitement, there are valid reasons for grumbling and dissatisfaction. From outdated terminology to repetitive anecdotes, from grumpy pundits to unengaging halftime entertainment, there are aspects of English football that could be improved to enhance the overall experience for fans. It is important for all those involved in the sport, whether players, officials, or media, to critically evaluate their roles and strive for constant improvement. Only through addressing these issues can English football truly reclaim its position as the best league in the world.

Note: This report is a fictional creation for the purpose of the exercise and does not reflect the viewpoints or opinions of any real individuals or organizations.